VIETNAM

I think i have been in the village for too long that i forgot my blog URL wts. Took some trouble to find it HAHA.

Anyways I LOVE VIETNAM!! 🙂 Esp the village haha. Honestly it was quite weird when i first reached there cos the sun sets at 5 plus (vietnam time) like what?!?!?! so by the time i reached the village it was pitch black. There are at least 10 different types of insects I CANT EVEN BREATHE. So basically we just slept in the classrooms which was actually very uncomfortable.i got bruises on my back haha. the roosters and dogs are like our alarm clocks hahah but actually most people keep waking up in the night and just waiting for the wake up time HAHA. We woke up at like 5.30 every day and it was already so damn bright haha.

I honestly liked the village life. There was nothing to worry about. i found my inner peace yay. wonder if weng found hers in europe yet haha. It was the type of slow pace life without technology, you dont have to stress about anything. It was being back to the basics. 🙂 Back in the city you have to stress about the slightest thing like monetary transaction, what clothes to wear, how you look, what to eat etc. But only there there was none of this to worry about. There was no image to care about there we didnt even have mirrors there so basically i didnt know how i looked like for 6 days there NO KIDDING. I didnt even care if i look very cui or dirty HAHA. NO ONE CARES. When i have free times, i just sit on the swing there with yuting/ bernice and talk. If not i would be taking an afternoon nap in the room or playing with the kids. I kinda dreaded the night cos it was so dark. But then again the stars cant shine without the darkness HAHA so i made it a point to look up to the sky every night to see some stars. They fill the sky 🙂

And I LOVE THE KIDS. Their smiles just melt me everytime! At first they keep looking at us when we said hi to them. But i just waved and said hi to them everytime and like within 2 days they started smiling and even waving back. When you want to play with them you can just join in. And omg their joy everytime we taught them how to twist the balloons haha their screams and everything. I just felt sad i couldnt understand whatever they are talking about. 😦 But body language FTW seriously hahaha. KIDS SMILES ARE THE PUREST THING ON EARTH! 🙂

I need to talk about the house visit. This is something i will remember for a long time. So we visited this household which was very poor because they didnt own any land and farming was like the livelihood of the people there. Okay so basically they had 5 children, the oldest being a son, 14, and the rest daughters aged 11,10,9 and youngest 3. The size of the land they own is the size of their house which isnt very big of course. The son already quit school and started working. But because he was underage (legal age is 18), he is paid very little and without insurance, meaning the company is not responsible for his safety. The oldest daughter also quit school already because she need to cook for the family and take care of her younger siblings. Although she’s only 11 but she give off the feel of a 14-15 year old one. The other 2 daughters go school and i see them in school everyday but i didnt know I will be visiting their family. Although they are a year apart, they attend the same class cos the mom kept the 10 years old one at home for a year. The 3 year old girl is damn cute but she dont smile. she only smile for the camera with her cute little peace sign. Their smiles are really really beautiful. You might want to guess what they eat for lunch. Chili and rice. Yes thats all. And one of the saddest part is when we asked them if they had anything to say to us, the oldest girl cried, saying she didnt know what to say. The volunteer and teacher cried too. Then after, we stayed to play with them while her mum go work (help at other people fields for income). We offered to help but she said the field was muddy so she didnt want us to get dirty. So we just played with them. The oldest stringed alot of rubber bands and 2 people had to hold the strings apart then the rest will jump in. starting from the knee height up to the neck height. YES THEY CAN FRIGGGING JUMP DAMN HIGH. they can jump higher than their height i was mind blown. okay i dont have the pictures with me cos they haven send us but it is like what you see in this picture (i googled haha)

So basically we jumped to a certain height then we gave up and watched them play cos it was too difficult for us haha. I felt so unfair for the oldest girl because she had to give up education because the family couldnt afford it. And their school fees is only 200,000 dong (about $12.50) which translate to about 2 subway meals. I couldnt help it hugging all of them. While we are talking the oldest one always seemed so shy while the rest would pay more attention on the younger 3 cos they seemed cuter. So i asked her to come sit on my lap and she smiled. i felt she was forced to grow up too quickly just because she was the oldest it was kinda unfair. And the volunteer also told us that these girls knew they are poor. So idk my heart just ached for all of them esp the oldest since she cant even go school. So we just keep taking pics with them (they were very happy to take pics) :). Ms Seah gave them some money too and asked them to get more food to eat. Our team also gave them some gifts like rice etc. They had a dog too. But most probably is raising the dog as a food 😦 most people would say its cruel to eat dog meat. i totally agree. but the volunteer told us some times the culture of eating dog meat still exists because people are really poor and have no food. Its like the desperate kind. This short house visit is really eye opening cos erm these kids still smile really brightly although they are so poor (unless ppl in Sg who will frown over the slightest reason). And they really make the best use of everything they have (like creating a game with rubber bands). So when we left they even followed us for a distance before they returned home. When we reached back the school, after like 10 min, they were also there. I guessed that they came school early because of us cause there werent any other kids there (all went home for lunch/nap) so me and kiahuang bought them drinks from their school little canteen (okay not really a canteen just a little shop where this vendor sells a little snacks).

The worst part was probably the toilet cos there wasnt light and the squat toilet was the same cubicle we bathe in haha. The water smell like rust iron haha. Everything seemed better haha. just that during dinner we cant see our food cos its so dark so we just ate in the dark HAHA. We used the torch ocassionally to check what we were eating sometimes there were insects (but i dont care i dont know if i really ate them haha dont judge).

i was telling bernice and yuting the other day that i wont know what to do when its time to leave these kids that i grew so fond of. i rather they dont care and let me be the one that feel hurt then having them feeling sad and asking us not to leave. At least what i wished for became kinda true. it was their teacher day celebrations so they were all gathered and when we arrived they all clapped for us. a lot of them stood up and waved at us. so we presented them with some last gifts and said our goodbyes. they just said keep waving i wondered if they knew we were leaving. i kinda felt i was betraying them for just leaving like that. Then we headed to Ho Chi Minh where we visited cu chi tunnel, ben thanh market (we went at night so there were almost nothing sigh) , some pretty church and war remnant museum. There werent much shopping to do so i was a little sad cos didnt managed to buy things for my family and friends sigh.

But after stepping into changi airport i swear it was the atas-est place i have been for a week. and realised i was home. i miss vietnam. maybe i will go there again one day. im sooooo sooooo glad to sign up for this ocip. i didnt discover anything new about myself but i learnt so much more about others. some person in charge was saying maybe next time in uni can request go to the same village again and help the same people. i dont know but this trip is really the best!! 🙂 i hope to see the children and the volunteers again. hope An comes to SG soon, then we can show her around and be crazy again hahah.

now i miss them i wonder they are doing… maybe life just gets on for both of us.

 

I Can See My Life Changing Right Before My Eyes And It’s Futile To Try And Stop It

Thought Catalog

Shutterstock / Twin DesignShutterstock / Twin Design

I’m leaning over the bathroom sink, my nose thisclose to a relatively clean mirror. I’m as terrible at applying makeup as the day I started wearing it in the 8th grade. I guess there are some things adulthood just can’t fix.

I stand back and stare at myself with a sliver of disdain the majority of women know all too well. The bags under my eyes could use a little more foundation and the black liner outlining one eye is slightly thicker than the other. I know trying to even them out would result in a look only a raccoon would be proud of, so I reach for the half-used lip gloss on the edge of the counter instead.

That’s when I see it.

A single, defiant, horrid white hair.

It’s staring back at me from the top of my head, pushing the other brunette strands…

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You Will Break Your Own Heart

Thought Catalog

Our hearts always seem most susceptible to breaking by the person we least suspect — especially when that person is us.

That’s what’s so dangerous about it — we’re mostly unaware. We run around protecting our hearts as though the idea that we’re closed off and solitary will do any good, without ever thinking that the one person who can wreak the most damage is in the building to begin with. Nobody goes around tossing them up the air, lobbing them at anyone and everyone and everything to see if they will stick — and yet everybody, at some point, gets hurt anyway.

Sure, we wear our hearts on our sleeves in the beginning. But fling your heart around carelessly once or twice and learn how easily it can bruise, how little it takes for something like a heart to shatter. You think it’s resilient. It’s a muscle, after all, and muscles are tough. But tough does not mean it’s…

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19 Times It’s Okay To Say “I Don’t Know” When You’re In Your Mid-Twenties

Thought Catalog

For some reason, we keep putting pressure on ourselves to just know everything. We’re supposed to know who we are, what we want, and who we want to be with… before we even turn 25. (I’m not sure whose idea it was to know all of this, but it was a dumb idea. And they are the worst.)

The most beautiful part of being in your mid-twenties is you’re supposed to be confused and you’re not supposed to know what’s going on. You shouldn’t know who you want to be or what you want in life. You’re never going to have all the answers, but at some point, you’ll probably feel more certain about who you are and what you care about. That time is not now, and it’s with good reason. 

Now is the time for you to be confused and unsure and uncertain and broke and uneasy and insecure and…

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Kite Runner

This book is still kinda stuck in my mind idk why and it lead me to randomly think about this question of who feels worse, the one that left or the one that got left behind? And realized that Maybe the one that left is the one that got left behind. And the one that got left behind left. HAHAHA it seemed ironic but if you see it the other way, the one who left originally got left behind in the sense he is always tormented by the past so in a way he got left behind because he couldn’t really move on. But the one that got left behind ironically move on so in that sense he left his past.

Stuck doing I&R cos my brain juice is dry cant think of innovative shit.

OKAY ITS 6AM NOW WTS. GONNA SLEEP NOW.

THE MOMENT YOU DECIDED TO RUN AWAY, EVERYTHING CHANGED FOREVER.

Typed this on 29 Oct but realised i didnt post it.

Isn’t it funny how the people who destroys us are the ones closest to us and we destroys the people who are the closest to us? I’m not saying all the times. Just most.

After reading kite runner, my heart just ache so much for Hassan and his son… How can anyone be loyal to this extent..? He knew it. He knew he saw. He saw him run away. Without him. But he has always still considered him as his best friend in front of his family. I felt that Amir represents the side shows us how fear can screw humanity up. Guilt always follow right behind. Avoidance. Repentance. Sometimes the cycle repeats all over again.

Baba’s stony eyes bore into mine and, just like that, I wasn’t laughing anymore.
I mean to speak to you man to man. Do you think you can handle that for once?”
“Yes, Baba jan,” I muttered, marveling, not for the first time, at how badly Baba could sting me with so few words. We’d had a fleeting good moment–it wasn’t often Baba talked to me, let alone on his lap–and I’d been a fool to waste it.
“Good,” Baba said, but his eyes wondered. “Now, no matter what the mullah teaches, there is only one sin, only one. And that is theft. Every other sin is a variation of theft. Do you understand that?”
“No, Baba jan,” I said, desperately wishing I did. I didn’t want to disappoint him again.
Baba heaved a sigh of impatience. That stung too, because he was not an impatient man. I remembered all the times he didn’t come home until after dark, all the times I ate dinner alone. I’d ask Ali where Baba was, when he was coming home, though I knew full well he was at the construction site, overlooking this, supervising that. Didn’t that take patience? I already hated all the kids he was building the orphanage for; sometimes I wished they’d all died along with their parents.
“When you kill a man, you steal a life,” Baba said. “You steal his wife’s right to a husband, rob his children of a father. When you tell a lie, you steal someone’s right to the truth. When you cheat, you steal the right to fairness. Do you see?”

Probably one of the more impactful part of the book. The father’a teaching to his son. And his son yearning for his affection to the extent that his jealousy extents to anyone who his father slightly favors. Including his best friend. Probably this is how the plot will be created.

Amir avoidance of Hassan who is simply a reminder of his own devil his own mistake. He’s too selfish. But then again, we are all selfish. 人不为己,天诛地灭。Is it really like this? But somehow people like Hassan always exists and they are the sole reason why people still believe in humanity. Thank you. I’m not sure if I believe in second chances but I’m sure I would want one when I make a mistake. Ironic much.