Feeling quite stressed recently cos promos is coming up and I’m not even half done with my revision. I’m actually afraid of failing again. I can’t afford rather. I don’t know what to do. I have rather frequent panic attacks and I just feel like shit. It’s no use worrying I know but I cant help it. Morrie in Tuesdays with Morrie mentioned that just let that emotion pass through you. First you feel it fully such that it totally surge through your body then you let it through, this is the only way to get over it. I’m still trying to learn how.
This is going to be a long post I don’t know. I’m probably going to mention everyone.
Lets start off with the most messed up one. Or at least that’s what everyone says. I can’t understand her cos im not her. I just feel that it’s a pity that she’s making herself so easy? Switching too quickly and easily.. I know that all she wanted is novelty in guys. And not to mention some attention. I hear people saying she’s messed up and honestly I don’t like it. She just need more love. Im sorry that im not like Jess or sth that can express her love or concern so easily. Maybe I should do something..? But im not even anybody to her…
And to the far far away one, occasionally I wonder whether it’s better to start anew in a new place and start anew. As if there is such thing as a restart button. I need one right now. Hope things get better for you and cheer up. Its okay to feel negative but get over it soon! If you look closely, there’s probably a million things to be grateful/happy/ smile about. I shall help you with one: you have fresher air there to breath –> nicer skin–> prettier–> higher chance of catching a guy/girl’s eyes–> reason to be happy about.
I used to like talking to you but probably not as much anymore cos your attention used to be so precious to me but not so much now I guess it has gotten kind of burdensome I don’t know why maybe it will get better. Every time I see you nowadays, it’s almost like we have just became mere acquaintances. It’s really quite sad. I do miss talking to you. Hang in there!
Maybe the only constant is just you. You just being the same just matters so much. It feels really nice every time you would call out my name and give me a hug when you see me with that cheerful voice and smile. It never fails to put a smile on my face even when I don’t feel like smiling sometimes (even on some occasions i can hear you laughing away and i just smile knowing instantly its you) Its always nice to know that someone is excited to see you and you are not just fading in the crowds of other students. Thank you so much.
Then there is the teamlyfecomingbacksoon. Even though i think my life is like going away already again…
You, who keep taking on too many commitments and drowning yourself with them. Chill. I really like talking to you its just so comfortable I cant describe it. Its like even if I tell you very radical stuff you wont judge thank you. and thanks for always listening to me even when no one does or when they just dismiss my ideas. 🙂 You sometime give me the courage to step out of my comfort zone too hehe. But you are too wild sometimes like the stuffs you want to do HHAA. I secretly want to attempt but really cant bring myself to do it HAHA. Continue being passionate about everything you love. its not easy well done 🙂
And yes the captain, you probably don’t agree with me on a lot issues? I think you judge me a lot? HAHA but then again you are also one of the few rare people that would tell me my flaws or anything in my face haha I really appreciate it cos people like this are hard to come by I know. You are really stronger than you think you are you know. You have really interesting issues to share too. Share more haha its fun to discuss about them.
And lastly you, of course I wont forgot about you. Its just so amazing how we can just keep talking when we are together. Its like the topics keeps overflowing I don’t really think there’s a time we have nothing to talk about. I think its mostly me talking most of the time but at least I don’t feel like Im talking to myself okay maybe I do feel that sometimes cos you just zone out how could you HAHA. We have been talking about deeper stuffs nowadays and constantly opening up. And its still funny to me when I think about our X10000 differences and X3 similarities topic hahah Im sure you know what im talking about haha. I could really just go on and on but shall not.
Anyways, I’m just an ironic bitch I always cant seem to show my concern to people around me when I know they need it and I really hate this. Maybe I should sort myself out first.
I realised that I don’t really share my problems with people? I also don’t know why? Cos 80% wont care and 20% wished you had them. Are human beings really like this? I cant help but smile everytime I talk its not like I even try. Maybe that’s why people only see my cheerful side? I do get upset and have my mood swings too. I need some time alone but being with people make me feel better too. See im being a ironic bitch again.
I don’t understand. Are humans conditioned to be alone eventually? We are surrounded by a lot of people since young and we just grow increasing isolated as we age. Why? Why are adults always alone? Why do we eventually start doing things alone? Cos it’s more efficient to do thing alone? I remember this quote from somewhere that says “If you want to go fast, go alone. But if you want to go far, go together.” This quote really stays with me cos it sorta applies to myself. When I want to be fast, walking alone is much better. You reach faster but you feel more lonely cos you are alone. But walking in groups is slower but much happier. Its like running track. Running tgt is somehow less tiring cos we are all in this together although the timing will be damn bad. Idk its all a matter of choice again issit?
Enough of this post. Need to do that econs shit that is due tmr. SIANZ. Jiayous people.
I may always seem pretty, I may always seem good
I may seem nice, I may seem soft
But that’s all a part of your imagination that’s over my head
-Pretty Boy (Taemin)