Okay time to rant again. Today was a bad day. At least during the match. the coach let me play only like 5 seconds after he subbed out a teammate for not daring to do stuffs on court. So i went in, traveled at the high post. Subbed out instantly. Fuck. Then i got scolded for making the mistake and he told me since i cant play i shall just sit on the bench. Wow thanks. i only made a mistake you subbed me out. didnt even give me chance to amend my mistake, to defend. thanks. fuck you. thanks so much for the chance huh. so nice of you. okay sorry fuck. i didnt meant to travel at the high post. i just wanted to drive in, but cos i was uncomfortable and never really tried that before so i traveled. so after im subbed out i was really quiet. i felt quite embarrassed. i have been playing for 5 years but yet until now i cant even play decently. wow. why am i so scared. whats wrong with me. then as they debrief and lao shi talked, i really feel like tearing up. I felt angry at myself, sorry for the seniors, for not doing my part in the team, being useless there. IM fucking sorry seniors. i have been trying, although i cant if anyone can see. im really trying to overcome to improve. i really want to achieve something with and for this batch of seniors. never felt so much for a match before you know. okay felt much better ranting it out. suddenly that song beautiful seems to reflect my feeling perfectly haha. tmr will be a better day during training. jiayous.